Story Fragment

This is a scene from a vignette that I've been pondering writing about my character Bill Vicklin from the Horror Campaign I'm in on Sundays. Its the 'core' scene of the story, so I'm interested in what people think of it. Its not long, not even a page... But I'm hoping that I've caught the feeling of the scene. I kinda think its a bit too much Clive Barker- too mild and 'English' in feel, if people understand what I mean by that. Let me know!

( The Chamber )